


As Long as You Need Me

by waywardmoeyy



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Castiel Angst, Castiel Fluff, Castiel x Reader Fluff, Castiel x Reader angst, Depression, loss of family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-22
Updated: 2018-10-22
Packaged: 2019-08-27 11:20:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,253
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16701541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/waywardmoeyy/pseuds/waywardmoeyy
Summary: The reader tries to keep her emotions locked away. But, when the damn breaks, Castiel is there to try to help.





	As Long as You Need Me

You leaned your head back in your chair as yet another case about a family slaughtered by demons flashed on your screen. There was no stopping it, and that fact alone was killing you. There had been a similar case a few weeks back, and one a few months before that. You knew there were hundreds of thousands more demons out there to kill. And there was no way in fucking hell you were going to be able to get all of them. But, there was really no way to lock them back in Hell either. Well, at least no easy way. But, you had to keep at it.  
Tears filled your eyes as you studied the photo of the latest doomed family, a happy, professional portrait of a husband, wife, and two teenage daughters. It was almost the same dynamic as your family, at least, how they were. Now, it was just you, and that was why you were still fighting.  
You let a tear fall just as footsteps clicked from behind you. The steady pace could have only been one person in the bunker, and it was the last person you wanted to see you crying. So, you wiped your face just as the gentle man came into view.  
“Hey, Cas,” you whispered, pretending to rub your eyes sleepily. “What are you up to?”  
Cas smiled down at you as he stood somewhat awkwardly in front of you. “I was just roaming the halls, deep in thought, when I noticed the energy in the room change. I wanted to make sure you were alright.”  
You nodded, offering him a false smile. “It’s fine. I was just hunting for a case. I think I found one, but it can wait until morning.” He nodded at you, then his eyes flicked away.  
“May I ask what you found?” he asked, pulling a chair out and taking a seat. He tilted is head just slightly, listening intently. You stared for a moment, struggling to steady your emotions as you focused on the calming features of his handsome face.  
“A-A family, murdered by what must be demons. It sounds too similar to our case a few weeks back to not be related in some way. A husband and wife with two teenage daughters. They were found dead in their living room by a neighbor.” You lowered your head, turning your gaze away from Cas. “We should check it out. This pattern keeps popping up.”  
Cas nodded in agreement. “We’ll check it out. It does seem like that pattern keeps turning up.” Cas leaned a little, trying his best to gain your eyes contact. But, you just stared around the room, trying you damnedest to keep your tears from breaking free.  
“Sounds like a plan, Cas. I’m gonna head to bed now. Dean will probably want us to head out in the morning. I don’t want to be a zombie.” You forced a chuckled, then offered another fake smile. “See you in the morning.” Cas just nodded, watching you turn and make your way back to the hall, towards your bedroom.  
The moment your head hit your pillow, the tears stared to pour onto the soft fabric. There was no stopping them, not this time. For the last four and a half years, you were able to hold back the pain when you and the boys investigated demon-related murders. But, with the familiarity of the latest cases, and the uncanny resemblance to the way your family was slaughtered, you found it harder and harder to hold the pain in.  
So, you just laid there, letting the pain take over. You never truly had time to mourn your parents before you ran into the Winchester brothers and their angel on a case shortly after your family’s demise. That was what partially fueled your incredible hunting skills, a mix of revenge and overwhelming heartbreak.  
The door to your room suddenly creaked open, revealing the familiar silhouette of the angel you had been talking to just minutes before.  
“Y/N,” Cas breathed as he approached you. You just closed your eyes, waiting for him to start barraging you with questions about what was wrong, and why you were crying. But, no such questions left his lips. Instead, you felt the light dip on the edge of your bed as he settled himself beside you. Then, his muscular arms gently wrapped around you, one curling around your shoulders while the other found its way around your waist. Cas gently lifted you from your partial fetal position, slowly rising you into his embrace.  
“Y/N,” Cas repeated, this time in a soft whisper. He pulled you close against his chest, resting your head under his chin. “How can I help?” His low voice vibrated through you, oddly comforting. His fingers smoothed over your hair as he held you close.  
You sighed deeply. “These cases, the demon-related deaths, they are just how I lost my family. My dad, my mom, my sister. She was still in high school, and I was away at college ignoring them. I came home, and they were gone. And the whole house smelled like sulfur. Even this many years later, the wound still hasn’t healed.”  
Cas gently kissed the top of your head. “I know. I remember when Sam and Dean met you, and your story. I know this is hard for you, but you can’t hold it in.” You peered up at him through your glassy vision, your cheeks now drenched with tears. “You have to let the pain through so you can lessen the load on your mind.”  
“I know, but I can’t let it get to me.” You let your eyes flutter closed as more tears welled up.  
Cas huffed. “Of course you can. If you learned one thing from Sam and Dean, and even me, over these years, it’s that you can’t keep things bottled up inside. You might explode. It’s better to let yourself grieve and clear your head. That way you can focus on what’s ahead of you.”  
Your eyes opened, locking on Castiel’s deep blue gaze. “Okay, Cas,” you muttered. “You’re right. I can’t keep this bottled up. It will just grow until I’m an absolute mess.”  
Cas smiled, pressing his forehead to yours. “And it’s okay to be a mess. That’s why you’re here with us. We all have to look out for each other.” Cas snuck his finger under your chin and lifted it. “You have us, no matter how great or terrible that sounds.”  
You smiled softly, a genuine smile this time. Even though the three men made you mental most of the time, the sound of them being there when you needed them was the best damn thought you had all day.  
Cas just nodded, almost as if he had heard your thoughts. Then, he leaned in, gently pressing his lips to yours. He held you there, your lips just touching, before slowly pulling away. “Do you feel better?”  
You nodded, again offering an honest gesture. Cas always found a way to make you feel better, even if it wasn’t a final solution. He wrapped you in his arms again, pulling you almost impossibly close.  
“Do you want me to stay here with you tonight? I honestly don’t feel comfortable with the idea of you being alone and this upset.” You just nodded at the angel, who lightly kissed your head. “Alright,” he sighed, rubbing your back. “I’m here for as long as you need me.”


End file.
